The List...

For your enjoyment and education, I am going start listing things that you did not know about your child's teacher. Included in this list are things that I think that MY parent may think is true of me.


Here goes:

1. I have no family, friends or children of my own. As a matter of fact, I live at the school in a little cubbie under my desk, like George off that episode of "Seinfeld".

2. I make a hell of a lot of money. Therefore I am able to purchase school supplies, tissues and extra clothes for your child with the bladder problem.

3. I am obviously a genius. I not only hold a degree in education, I also hold a Master's in psychology, divinity, and counseling.

4. I was a WWF fighter in a prior life, because I must wrestle your child to the ground when he clicks and starts hitting me.

5. I am awake and ready to talk about your child at all hours (see #1). Yes, you can call me on my cell at either 10:30pm on Tuesday or 7:00am Sunday morning. No, I don't need to go to church or care about what is happening in my family. Nope. I must worry 24/7 about little Le'monjello.

6. Me calling you at work is a serious issue. Especially if it is to talk about the awful behavior of your student. You are at work and must get work done. Get this sister, I am work TOO! Annnnnnd, not only must I work I have to deal with Le'monjello and the fact that he just wet his pants and I don't have a change of clothes for him (see #2).

7. I must NEVER, EVER, EVER call you by your child's last name. It is wrong of me to assume that both names are the same. You don't like that sorryazzgoodfornothingmutherfucker and you wish that you did not name little Le'monjello after him. I should not call you by your other son's last name either.

8. Yes, I am happy to stop in the middle of my class to accommodate talking to you about the letter I sent home saying that your child needed school supplies (see # 2 and 5). I must not, however, be shocked by you ignoring the 6 request I sent to talk about him not being able to read. ...this list will continue at a later date.


(trying to) love my job!