Winter and the Diva Teacher

First, teachers are so VERY happy that Winter Break comes. I think they call it that because it comes at just about the time that winter begins and right around the time we begin to feel that if we don't take some time off, we are gonna break some of these little darlings necks!!

Of course there are things you should know to have a successful Winter Break

• if your child's teacher says "hey, they don't really have to come to school tomorrow", know that we really mean that! if you are worried about little NukNuk keeping his perfect attendance record in tack, just let me know. I will be more than happy to mark him 'present'.
• on PJ day please have your child in tennis shoes. I know they love those Princess Tiana slippers with the hole at the toes, and I am sure they were cute one time. but think, they go in the BATHROOM at a PUBLIC SCHOOL with those on. They will have scurvey of the toe by end of day.
• While we are on this...get them some new damn PJs for school!! Those same Spiderman PJs that used to have the feet, but you have cut them down to shorts over the last few years are not the joint.  NukNuk looks crazy in the Daisy Dukes!! Sheesh!
• (this is really happening today)...don't try to fool us and send your kid to school today in socks because you are angry that they were passed over for the shoe give away. c'mon son!!! those shoes were for kids who really needed them.  your kid came to school yesterday in the new Jordan retro 11's that don't even come out until December 23rd!!
• (BTW....can you hook a teacher up with whosoever you know that got your those kicks early? I got a kid who wears a size....oh never mind)
• I really don't care if you don't like using the term Merry Christmas because you are now some religion that does not like Christmas or pork. Dammit take the Merry Christmas for what it is worth, a nice gesture.  I am not giving up Merry Christmas nor will I be giving up bacon and smothered pork chops.
• Do not and I repeat  DO NOT buy your child's teacher those chocolate covered cherries from the Walgreen's, Family Dollar and the like. I think we keep getting these because when your precious little baby gives them to use all smiles and giggling and proud, we can't help but say how much we love these little pieces of chocolate covered death.  Look...just don't get 'em. A Snickers or every just a handmade card will suffice.  Who eats those things anyway?

Cafeteria Duty and the Diva Teacher...

I hate having cafeteria duty in the morning.  Quite honestly, I hate having cafeteria duty at lunch. I just hate the cafeteria. I even hated when we had the awards assemebly in there because they were re-carpeting the multipurpose room!

I really hate morning duty because not only do I have to deal with my kids and every other Kindergarten to second grade student, but I also have to deal with their parents.  I wish I could write a memo to all parents who bring their kids to breakfast. It would go something like this:


Dear Parents,

Thank you so much for bringing your child to breakfast each morning. As you know, breakfast is an important part of the day and really gets our kids off to a great start. However, there are just a few reminders I have for you to make our mornings run a tad more smoothly:

1. Please wear foundation garments.  I understand that you may have just rolled out of bed and really don't want to have to change clothes simply to change back when you head home and go back to bed, but please be considerate and where a bra and some drawers. Seeing your boobies down to your knees before the teachers have had their first good cup of coffee is difficult and confuses the teachers and students.  We also ask that you consider wearing panties. See Spongebob and Tweety flopping around all willie-nillie is equally as diheartening as the boob thing.
2. Breakfast is pronounced Break-fast...not breef-us.
3. The meal is for your child that attends this school RIGHT NOW. Ray-Ray and Lil Kwan that you keep for your girl Shirl while she goes to Concord Career Academy (you know, she go to school).
4. The extra milk in the cafeteria is reserved for the students, you sticking it in your purse for your kids at home is unacceptable.
5. Really...the tank top and no shorts is not a good look. Please see #1
6. Breakfast is served from 7:50 to 8:20.  Your child may not have a chance to eat if you come any later!! If you are steeping in the door at8:30 you will really have to excuse the mumbles of the teachers because we have to get your child to class...you know, this is school.  "My baby needs to gets his apple jacks and milk!"  should not replace you saying  "Good Morning".
7. Really....you have on no foundation garments, but you still have on your lashes and the 6 packs of wet and wavy from the club last night?
8. Please remember to take off your over 21 club wrist band and/or the X they drew on your hand from the club last night.
9. If you are an evening employee at an establishment that is for the entertainment if gentlemen that includes wine and spirits, please take a quick shower before bringing your child to breakfast. It is hard on the teachers to smell Black and Milds and Hennessy that early in the morning.
10. Just so you are aware, the reference to Hennessy in the above statement is to the libation, not the child in Ms. Nixon's pre-K class.

Parents, we thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Have a great day!

Monday After Next...

I will be on vacation and will not have to deal with the foolishness that goes on here.

So this morning I am at work in my cute shoes and the only thing i can think is that I want to be here for the required 7.33 hours and them go home and take myself to bed.  First up today is a mother who is angry that her child is not getting breakfast this morning.  Mind you breakfast starts around 7:50 and goes until 8:20. I pick up my kids at 8:30 on PURPOSE because I know that you will come running in here at 8:20 in your satin bonnet and Tweety pajama pants with the expectation that your child should sit and have a leisurely breakfast while I wait patiently.

"My baby need to eat."

I wonder just how much does baby need to eat because you should have a house full of Honey Nut Cheerios and Juicy Juice from that WIC check.

But I digress.

So we finally make it back to class and get teh lesson started (at 8:45 because I had to wait on my brunch baby). At 9:30 someone is at the door SCREAMING. It is constantly late child with her constantly later brothers and sisters.  Let's run through this family.

• Two kids are in 5th
• Two are in first
• There is a child in each grade that we have here
• There is one child in Pre-K
• There is one at home
• Mom is pregnant

There are approximately 7 daddies on file.  Anyway this chick is screaming in the hallway and her brother and sister are telling her to "get her behind in the classroom". She is screaming like there is someone stabbing her. And since that is quite possible here, I decided that I would wait at my desk for a minute to see if she would stop. 

The brother decides he has had enough, grabs her by both arms and slings her into the room. This does not stop the hollering.  So then this kid does the best fall, turn and crawl I have ever seen...kinda like when you are trying to kill one of those quick roaches and it flips itself over and crawls under the refrigerator.  Now I am in the hall trying to catch screaming ninja roach in my 4 inch Ralph Lauren heels and skirt.

The other teachers are now in the hall enjoying the show.

One finally says what can I do to help you.

My reply: "Gin, tonic, and a slice of lime will help"

I finally get this kid to stop screaming but she is not refusing to come to class. She is sitting in the hall.

As of the last line I just typed, she is now screaming again. I am loosing my patience. I am not going to make it as  "Text Book" teacher much longer.

Sigh...I have to go now.  Keep me in prayer.

 Yeah...as hard as it is sometimes...I love my job!

This post has nothing to do with...

...anything that I have written before.  It may, for all who care to view it that way, be seen as my soapbox rant  for the week.  OK, you know me, for the day.  Here we go:

I hate when black folk say "I don't wanna get black."

I live in Florida where for at least 9 months out of the year it is hot and sunny.  The operative word here is just that - sunny.  Any relatively educated person or even those that are just barnyard dumb, know that if you go out into the sun for any lenght of time that your skin (no matter what complexion you are) will become a bit darker.

I am a black woman with dark skin.  When I was a kid way back when it truly was not in fashion to have dark skin.  The problem for me was that most of the women that I loved and thought were most beautiful were the women in my family.  The majority of which were dark skinned.  As a kid it never occur ed to me when I was at home that my dark skin was ugly. In fact, to me it was the color of chocolate and cocoa and all lthe things that make a kid happy.  It was not until I got to school that I learned that chocolate was not the color to be.

I guess I started to wonder if my cocoa colored complexion that I thought was just fabulous was really not as fabulous as I believed.  Children in school, some barely lighter than me, would tell me that I was too black. For one kid in my class, a boy named James, whose skin was a dark as night, the times were truly tough. Kids did not even want to hold his hand as we played 'red rover, red rover" and of course he was never asked to "come over" all because the light skinned girls said that the "black would rub off on them". Just crazy. (Just as an aside...I saw James around the time that we were going college and he was a midnight delight...on the arm of the same chick that would not allow him to play Red Rover. I bet she is letting him come over all the time now!)

Anyway, I guess from all that I take offense when folk say things about people being dark or that somehow that dark skin is not beautiful.  I look at my wedding picture sitting on my desk and remember playing in the sun in Jamaica and watching my skin get what I called Jamaica black. I loved it and felt that my skin only complimented my white  wedding gown. 

So last night, this negro dislike for dark skin hit my home. My niece who is by no means a light skinned girl, is absolutely beautiful. She spent all day Sunday at the beach with her family and I did not really look at her until Monday evening.  Hubby looks at her and says "you got a lot of sun". She says:  "I know...I really don't like it.  I don't like to be black like that."

I asked her...

"Well what the hell were you when you left home?"

At this point, she was confused and asked, rather shyly what I meant.

"Were you Asian or Scandinavian with you left here?"

She said no.

"Well, then you came back here as Black as you were when you left.  If you do not want your skin to be any darker than you should not go in the sun. As a matter of fact, you should never leave the house, or even sit by a window."

She says that she did not think that she would get dark because she wore sunblock.

See how dumb that is. Just sounds foolish rolling off the tongue!

" Dear heart, that only keeps you from burning. Not from the sun changing the color of your skin."


See...if you are that worried about being dark, you should at least know the rules.

Oh well, that is the end of my rant today.  I am going to take my students to the playground today and let them play in the sun and watch their beautiful brown complexions tan as they run and laugh.

And yes, they will still be as black when I bring them back into the classroom as they were when I took them out.

(Love my job! My niece, however, may be another story!)

Really?

So this morning I am standing in the main office when a little girl walks in screaming. It was before 8:30 so I really was not prepared for the madness, but since the front office ladies where conveniently out of sight, I decided to ask her what the problem was.  This, dear friends, is yet another example of why I should just keep my mouth shut.

Me: What's the problem?

Little Girl:  I don't feel well and I have a hole in my ear.

Me: A what?

LG:  I have this hole in my ear and it hurts.  I need to call my mom.

Me: OK, let me see it.


She moves her hand and the hole that she is talking about it for her pierced ear.  See some kinda way she has lost one earring this morning and while looking in the mirror in the bathroom, has, for the first time, seen the hole in her ear. 

You gotta be kidding me!

After a 10 minute conversation about why the hole was in her ear (and actually removing my earring so that she could SEE the hole) she was able to calmly return to breakfast.  They were having blueberry pancakes.  I however, had wasted my morning and will be dining on the breakfast delicacy of Funyuns and Pepsi.  I am so angry that I think I might breathe my Funyun breath on all the kids during Guided Reading.


(I love my job)

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We have less than 10 days of school left!

I don't think I have been this happy since I heard  The Game was coming back on BET on the same day there would be a shoe sale at Macy's! I really hate to say it, but I am so ready for this batch of student to move on. That way, I can get a brand new crop of  so fresh and so clean first graders.

This group has got to go.

As a matter of fact, there are a couple (OK, truth be told a few) that if there parents would go along with it, I would mark as present for the rest of the school year and give them straight A's on their report cards.

Not, happening.

As much as I am looking forward to Summer, I am sure there are parents who are at home right now crying because they realize that, just like me, they have only about 10 days left....


Yeah...

And then Little Le'Monjello is at home with you ALL summer making your life as grand as he did mine this year.

Aw...I love summer!

(and I still love my job!)

Pimpin' Wholes

After a long battle with Spring Break and FCAT week,  I am back.  Teaching has had me so exhausted that I have gone straight home and gotten into my comfy bed for the last month or so.  Let me tell you something folks, budget cuts that we thought were bad last year are going to be twice as bad next year. 

As teachers, we have been told that we should begin stocking up on school supplies now.  There is no room in the county budget for supplies for the children. No pencils. No copy paper for homework packets. Just nothing. Relying on my parents is a joke.  Quite honestly unless I am telling them that their child will not pass first grade, I tend not to see them.  I have even had a parent this year that blocked my phone number because I was calling her about too many discipline problems with her child. And according to her, she was aware of the problem, so I did not have to keep calling.  I must deal with foolishness all day (especially from this  one child) with no parental support. But, if I choke this chick, I will be off to jail in a heartbeat.

And orange is soooooo not my color. Plus, I look a hot mess in jumpsuits.

Anyway it was such a beautiful day today, that the first grade teachers decided to give the students a treat and give them some extended outdoor time.  The teachers sat under the gazebo and of course the conversation went to education and all the thing we have to tolerate. The prevailing question is: We teach from the same scope and sequence from the same text books and we still have a problem with students underachieving. Why?

I personally believe that their minds are constantly in the wrong place.  Their environment is consumes with adults who are still making the wrong choices. The most likely will become adults who make the wrong choices.  There is little home support and that makes our job rough.  We must teach all the subject and in addition teach the students about life, manners, to be responsible citizens. We must teach all the things that they should be learning at home. 

As we sat under the gazebo at the school we noticed that the kids have taken to writing graffiti.  The usual foul language was written. F*ck you. B*tch. You know the drill. Then all of a sudden we all started to laugh. One child had written "Pimpin Wholes". 

"Wholes?"  One teacher said.

" I think they meant, Hoes'"  I laughed.

We all had a good laugh off that one. As much work as we do, we can't even teach them to sound out their cuss words correctly.


Boy, will I be  glad when summer starts!!! (which, just for your information is in 28 days, 6 hours and 15 minutes)


Yep...I still love my job!

Cupcake Catastrophe of 2011

I am tired.  I have not eaten today (unless you count those 2 Doritos and the Pepsi).  And folks IS trying me today!!

Why do you call and interrupt me this morning to ask if you can have a cupcake party for your child today? You ask what time, I say that you need to bring them and pass them out at 1.

Why at 1:10 I get a call from the office that I need to pick up a package?  You did not have time to stay so you dropped off your child's party for me to take care of.  You didn't even take the time to walk the cupcakes to the class. REALLY? So I need to stop my lesson to get to the cupcakes and juice boxes? UGH!!!!!

Then...

You did not send enough cupcakes for the whole class.

You sent less Capri Sun than cupcakes.

Let's take a moment. You sent 24 cupcakes and 20 Capri Suns...just don't add up does it?

You told your other daughter's teacher to send her over for the party. Which did not have enough cupcakes for the class anyway.

Or juice for that matter.

...and I still have not had anything to eat today (unless you count the 2 chips and the Pepsi...that, by the way, I have not had a chance to finish drinking) and this chick did not even send a cupcake for me!


(Loving my job but its making me hungry!)

Read a Book!! (and brush ya damn teeth!!)

The great thing is...I had a pretty good day. Even though it was cold and rainy the rugbunnies did not do anything too notable today.

The only thing of real interest today was the comedy that was the parents dropping their kids off to school this morning. Florida requires me to be a 'high qualified' teacher. That means that I am loaded down with classes that I have to take, papers to write, forms to fill out for parents that for some reason have not found it just a wee bit strange that little Le'monJello has not learned his alphabet, or is able to spell his name. Did I mention that he is 10 years old and in the first grade?

I looked real close at the parents as they came in this morning. Please don't get me wrong. My school is filled with parents that want the best for their kids and do the best they can for them. Then there is Na-Na and 'dem (Caucasian folk...ask your African American friends who "dem" is because it really does apply to certain members of their family. If they say they don't know...they are lying!) who come to school in last nights club clothes, hair wrapped up and sleep shorts, or who have not changed in the last few days.

One young man walked up to me this morning and asked "Wuh da go get da brekfass at?" I had to step back because this brother had not brushed his teeth in a minute. He did however have on the fresh Jordans.

I pointed him to the cafeteria...and this song came to mind. ENJOY!!

(Love my job...even when your breath stanks all to be damned)

You know they sell soap at the dollar store, right?

So today was my first day back after a couple workshops and the MLK holiday.  Sometimes when you are away from a place for awhile, you come back and see things in a different light.  I like the days I am not at school because I tend to come back and see things a bit brighter.  I wish folk would buy into the brightness.

Anyway, today I came back and noticed some things I had not seen before with the rugbunnies. Now, when I think really long and hard I am sure that really nothing has changed,  it just took a couple days away from it to notice.

I went to the cafeteria this morning to pick up my class and took a really good look at them. I mean a REALLY good look.  Why the hell was most of the class dirty? What the hell? I looked at faces and clothes and I took a good whiff. How in the hell at 7:30 in the morning do I have kids that smell like Funyuns and feet? Really? And it's cold outside!!  It takes a hell of a lot of funk...days worth even, for you to smell like ass and old bacon at 7:30 in the morning when it's 30 degrees outside.

I decide to take my show on the road and Ms Green and the Funky Bunch head back to class. As we are walking I am noticing that quite a few of them have on jackets and pants that are filfty. What the...this is just too much!  Upon closer inspection a good chunk of the Funky Bunch look like they did not brush their teeth or hair this morning either. CRAZY!!  Now I know, having sent my own step daughter to school many mornings fly to death that they can come home a hot mess.  Baby Girl that walked out the door looking like an angel in the morning can quite possibly come come looking like a little crackbaby by 3:15.  But, c'mon!! 7:30 IN THE MORNING?!!

So we had a little conversation (one that they should have had at home) about Ms. Green's expectations of what they should  do before school. I am prepared for some angry parent to come to school tomorrow mad because I told their child to change their drawers (and yes I did mention that they should take a bath prior to changing drawers)  and brush their teeth before hitting the hallowed halls of P.S 147!  But is it really too much to at least make sure you child is clean in the morning?

I know times are tough...but they sell soap at the dollar store. Get ya wash on!! Maybe tomorrow my Funky Bunch will be the Get Fresh Crew!!

(It's stinky here..and may smell like ass and potatoes some days, but I love my job!)

5 More Minutes, Mom. PLEASE!!!

This is SOOOOO how I feelt his morning. Jill hit it on the head. I usually play this song in my car on mornings that I just don't wanna get up. I really should have played it in the car this morning. Today I wished for one of those mornings where mom gives you that extra 5 minutes to sleep. Didn't happen. I have a lot to do both professionally and personally and I just don't have the energy to get up and do it. I think I need a life coach. As a matter of fact, I have a TON of things that I should be doing right at this moment instead of writing this. Like....picking the kids up and getting the morning started. OK...I'm out.

PROCRASTINATION IS A BEAST!!

(still love my job...tomorrow)

How Clean is YOUR Hair?

Wow. It has been awhile since I have had a chance to leave my thoughts here. I was really surprised to get an email asking when my next update was coming. Here's the thing: since school started back, I have been just overwhelmed with things that needed to be done in my classroom. Sadly, the poor blog was put on the back shelf.

Until today...

You know how people say things and in your mind you wonder if they really meant it the way you heard it? Happens to me all the time. Lately, it has been happening a bit to often.  Many times I just don't say what I am thinking back to the person. I have my mother's tongue and over the past 10 years I have really tried to curtail it as much as possible. The sad part with this is that you can see that I WANT to say something all over my face. Unfortunately, that tends to get me in a lot of trouble also.

In my mind I believe that in a past life I was a power to the people, Afro wearing, Angela Davis, fist in the air,  black jacket wearing Black Panther. Now if you know your BP history, you know that they were known for being radicals. They also set up some of the most successfully run community programs in African American neighborhoods back in the 60's and 70's.  Sadly, they became known more for being radical and this is often not looked upon too well by the government.  They had some really great ideals, but I think how they went about saying what they needed to say was taken in the wrong context many times because of their tongue and because of the expression they tend to have on their face. Hence, I would have been an excellent BP (not to mention I have always wanted to sport the fly Afro).

I say all that to say this...I have had some conversations over the last week that have caused me to put on my Black Panther face and walk away (and I have had some problem controlling my tongue also). I submit this conversation and see if you see when the face came.

So the teacher that is in the room next to me gets a new student. An adorable cherub faced little Caucasian girl.  Now race should not be a big deal, but it is crucial to the story.  Anyway, I guess she has a pretty good day.  Toward the middle of the day I see her teacher in the hall  (TIH) and has this look on her face.

Me: You OK?

TIH: Um...you know my new student.

Me: Yeah?

TIH: She has LICE!

Me: Aw DAYUMN!

Now, truth be told, Black folk tend not to get lice too often. I am really not to sure of the reason, but you rarely hear of us getting lice. It could be all the products we use. It is my belief that it would be hard for any creature to live in an environment where  lye products or a hotcomb are involved.  But hey, who knows/

I have never had lice nor been around kids with lice so I kinda panicked inside.  I proceeded to spray my classroom and the door that connected me to her room with Lysol. Now, I know deep inside that this really was not helping anything, but the medicinal smell of the Lysol was calming to my nerves.  All I could think was that I was about to get some bugs in my hair and would have to cut all my hair off.  I know that is not the lice procedure, but remember folk, I was in panic mode.

So later that day as we often do, a group of teacher s were standing in the hall.  (TIH), Teacher Across the Hall (TAH), Teacher Down the Hall TDH and me.  Conversation goes like this;

TIH: I can't believe that kid had lice. They sent her home.

Me: Good. I am out of Lysol.

TAH: It is a mess when that stuff starts to get around.

Me: I have never had it. As a matter of fact I don't remember that in any school I have been in. You rarely hear about that with black students.

TAH: I know. It was one of the perks of coming to this school.

OK for whatever reason, I did not make the face here. Because...well, I guess that could be a good reason. No lice is a perk...Imma let you have that one. Anyway:

Me: Where do people get that from anyway? It can't just spontaneously hatch in your head. Where does it start from?

TDH:  Well, it happens because they like clean hair?

Me: Who?

TDH: The lice.

Me:  So you are saying that the lice are attracted to CLEAN hair?

OK. You are so right...this is where the face came in, because I KNOW this chick is not saying that black folk don't get lice because they have dirty hair. I said it twice thinking that she would catch on. I am holding my tongue because I NEED this damn job, but dammit had I hit the lotto last night there would be some colorful words being used right now!! What's funny is that she did not catch the face and the conversation continued. The other ladies did because you will notice you will not hear any more from them:

TDH:  Yes, they are attracted to clean hair.

See hold on...I can't let this go. This chick has said this blasphemy again and is obviously ignoring my face and the shocked and bewildered faces of the other women in the hall. I am sure that they usually keep this type conversation behind closed doors. Really?  Is she standing here telling me that black kids have hair that is always dirty? I really was taken aback that you could say this  to a Black Woman. And one with VERY clean hair at that!! And contrary to her thought pattern, I have worked in  a school where a good chunk of the population was from the islands and the children wore their hair locked. Which tends to hold a good amount of oil and sometimes dirt. NO LICE. What the hell does this chick mean?

Me:  OK. I don't understand how that can be true.

TDH: The lice tend to like to get into clean hair and scalp. That is how they attach.

Inside I had enough. So here comes:

Me: What you are saying can't be true.

TDH: It is. What do you mean it can't be true?

Me:Well, if they are attracted to CLEAN hair, why is it that you always find them in dirty little WHITE kids?

Game over. She went to her room

I love my job!! Happy New Year!!