Cafeteria Duty and the Diva Teacher...

I hate having cafeteria duty in the morning.  Quite honestly, I hate having cafeteria duty at lunch. I just hate the cafeteria. I even hated when we had the awards assemebly in there because they were re-carpeting the multipurpose room!

I really hate morning duty because not only do I have to deal with my kids and every other Kindergarten to second grade student, but I also have to deal with their parents.  I wish I could write a memo to all parents who bring their kids to breakfast. It would go something like this:


Dear Parents,

Thank you so much for bringing your child to breakfast each morning. As you know, breakfast is an important part of the day and really gets our kids off to a great start. However, there are just a few reminders I have for you to make our mornings run a tad more smoothly:

1. Please wear foundation garments.  I understand that you may have just rolled out of bed and really don't want to have to change clothes simply to change back when you head home and go back to bed, but please be considerate and where a bra and some drawers. Seeing your boobies down to your knees before the teachers have had their first good cup of coffee is difficult and confuses the teachers and students.  We also ask that you consider wearing panties. See Spongebob and Tweety flopping around all willie-nillie is equally as diheartening as the boob thing.
2. Breakfast is pronounced Break-fast...not breef-us.
3. The meal is for your child that attends this school RIGHT NOW. Ray-Ray and Lil Kwan that you keep for your girl Shirl while she goes to Concord Career Academy (you know, she go to school).
4. The extra milk in the cafeteria is reserved for the students, you sticking it in your purse for your kids at home is unacceptable.
5. Really...the tank top and no shorts is not a good look. Please see #1
6. Breakfast is served from 7:50 to 8:20.  Your child may not have a chance to eat if you come any later!! If you are steeping in the door at8:30 you will really have to excuse the mumbles of the teachers because we have to get your child to class...you know, this is school.  "My baby needs to gets his apple jacks and milk!"  should not replace you saying  "Good Morning".
7. Really....you have on no foundation garments, but you still have on your lashes and the 6 packs of wet and wavy from the club last night?
8. Please remember to take off your over 21 club wrist band and/or the X they drew on your hand from the club last night.
9. If you are an evening employee at an establishment that is for the entertainment if gentlemen that includes wine and spirits, please take a quick shower before bringing your child to breakfast. It is hard on the teachers to smell Black and Milds and Hennessy that early in the morning.
10. Just so you are aware, the reference to Hennessy in the above statement is to the libation, not the child in Ms. Nixon's pre-K class.

Parents, we thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Have a great day!