Thursday, January 19, 2012

Memo #2 from Ms. Green...

Dear Parent,

We are so happy to assist you with your child's education. We love to hear from you and value any time you can spare to come and talk with members of our teachers and faculty. To make this process more streamline we ask just one thing:

Please consider wearing your "outside" clothes to your conference. The pink Hello Kitty bathrobe and knee socks did look really comfy on this cold winter day, but it truly hindered our ability to have a serious conversation about your child.  In the future, we would like to suggest the many adult fashions available a reasonable prices from both Target and Wal-Mart.

Please accept my apologies for blurting out in laughter in the middle of your speech as to why you are unable  to come up here every time we call about her "doing something" and missing out on exactly "who the baby daddy is" on today's Maury. (But Hello Kitty just makes me so happy!)  We strongly felt her stabbing another student in the hand with a spork from the cafeteria was a matter of concern. This skill in shank production, however, may come in useful at another point in her life, but not here in our learning environment.

Again...sorry for the laugh.


(Love my job!)

Friday, December 16, 2011

Winter and the Diva Teacher

First, teachers are so VERY happy that Winter Break comes. I think they call it that because it comes at just about the time that winter begins and right around the time we begin to feel that if we don't take some time off, we are gonna break some of these little darlings necks!!

Of course there are things you should know to have a successful Winter Break

  • if your child's teacher says "hey, they don't really have to come to school tomorrow", know that we really mean that! if you are worried about little NukNuk keeping his perfect attendance record in tack, just let me know. I will be more than happy to mark him 'present'.
  • on PJ day please have your child in tennis shoes. I know they love those Princess Tiana slippers with the hole at the toes, and I am sure they were cute one time. but think, they go in the BATHROOM at a PUBLIC SCHOOL with those on. They will have scurvey of the toe by end of day.
  • While we are on this...get them some new damn PJs for school!! Those same Spiderman PJs that used to have the feet, but you have cut them down to shorts over the last few years are not the joint.  NukNuk looks crazy in the Daisy Dukes!! Sheesh!
  • (this is really happening today)...don't try to fool us and send your kid to school today in socks because you are angry that they were passed over for the shoe give away. c'mon son!!! those shoes were for kids who really needed them.  your kid came to school yesterday in the new Jordan retro 11's that don't even come out until December 23rd!!
  • (BTW....can you hook a teacher up with whosoever you know that got your those kicks early? I got a kid who wears a size....oh never mind)
  • I really don't care if you don't like using the term Merry Christmas because you are now some religion that does not like Christmas or pork. Dammit take the Merry Christmas for what it is worth, a nice gesture.  I am not giving up Merry Christmas nor will I be giving up bacon and smothered pork chops.
  • Do not and I repeat  DO NOT buy your child's teacher those chocolate covered cherries from the Walgreen's, Family Dollar and the like. I think we keep getting these because when your precious little baby gives them to use all smiles and giggling and proud, we can't help but say how much we love these little pieces of chocolate covered death.  Look...just don't get 'em. A Snickers or every just a handmade card will suffice.  Who eats those things anyway?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Cafeteria Duty and the Diva Teacher...

I hate having cafeteria duty in the morning.  Quite honestly, I hate having cafeteria duty at lunch. I just hate the cafeteria. I even hated when we had the awards assemebly in there because they were re-carpeting the multipurpose room!

I really hate morning duty because not only do I have to deal with my kids and every other Kindergarten to second grade student, but I also have to deal with their parents.  I wish I could write a memo to all parents who bring their kids to breakfast. It would go something like this:


Dear Parents,

Thank you so much for bringing your child to breakfast each morning. As you know, breakfast is an important part of the day and really gets our kids off to a great start. However, there are just a few reminders I have for you to make our mornings run a tad more smoothly:

  1. Please wear foundation garments.  I understand that you may have just rolled out of bed and really don't want to have to change clothes simply to change back when you head home and go back to bed, but please be considerate and where a bra and some drawers. Seeing your boobies down to your knees before the teachers have had their first good cup of coffee is difficult and confuses the teachers and students.  We also ask that you consider wearing panties. See Spongebob and Tweety flopping around all willie-nillie is equally as diheartening as the boob thing.
  2. Breakfast is pronounced Break-fast...not breef-us.
  3. The meal is for your child that attends this school RIGHT NOW. Ray-Ray and Lil Kwan that you keep for your girl Shirl while she goes to Concord Career Academy (you know, she go to school).
  4. The extra milk in the cafeteria is reserved for the students, you sticking it in your purse for your kids at home is unacceptable.
  5. Really...the tank top and no shorts is not a good look. Please see #1
  6. Breakfast is served from 7:50 to 8:20.  Your child may not have a chance to eat if you come any later!! If you are steeping in the door at8:30 you will really have to excuse the mumbles of the teachers because we have to get your child to class...you know, this is school.  "My baby needs to gets his apple jacks and milk!"  should not replace you saying  "Good Morning".
  7. Really....you have on no foundation garments, but you still have on your lashes and the 6 packs of wet and wavy from the club last night?
  8. Please remember to take off your over 21 club wrist band and/or the X they drew on your hand from the club last night.
  9. If you are an evening employee at an establishment that is for the entertainment if gentlemen that includes wine and spirits, please take a quick shower before bringing your child to breakfast. It is hard on the teachers to smell Black and Milds and Hennessy that early in the morning.
  10. Just so you are aware, the reference to Hennessy in the above statement is to the libation, not the child in Ms. Nixon's pre-K class.
Parents, we thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Have a great day!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Monday After Next...

I will be on vacation and will not have to deal with the foolishness that goes on here.

So this morning I am at work in my cute shoes and the only thing i can think is that I want to be here for the required 7.33 hours and them go home and take myself to bed.  First up today is a mother who is angry that her child is not getting breakfast this morning.  Mind you breakfast starts around 7:50 and goes until 8:20. I pick up my kids at 8:30 on PURPOSE because I know that you will come running in here at 8:20 in your satin bonnet and Tweety pajama pants with the expectation that your child should sit and have a leisurely breakfast while I wait patiently.

"My baby need to eat."

I wonder just how much does baby need to eat because you should have a house full of Honey Nut Cheerios and Juicy Juice from that WIC check.

But I digress.

So we finally make it back to class and get teh lesson started (at 8:45 because I had to wait on my brunch baby). At 9:30 someone is at the door SCREAMING. It is constantly late child with her constantly later brothers and sisters.  Let's run through this family.

  • Two kids are in 5th
  • Two are in first
  • There is a child in each grade that we have here
  • There is one child in Pre-K
  • There is one at home
  • Mom is pregnant
There are approximately 7 daddies on file.  Anyway this chick is screaming in the hallway and her brother and sister are telling her to "get her behind in the classroom". She is screaming like there is someone stabbing her. And since that is quite possible here, I decided that I would wait at my desk for a minute to see if she would stop. 

The brother decides he has had enough, grabs her by both arms and slings her into the room. This does not stop the hollering.  So then this kid does the best fall, turn and crawl I have ever seen...kinda like when you are trying to kill one of those quick roaches and it flips itself over and crawls under the refrigerator.  Now I am in the hall trying to catch screaming ninja roach in my 4 inch Ralph Lauren heels and skirt.

The other teachers are now in the hall enjoying the show.

One finally says what can I do to help you.

My reply: "Gin, tonic, and a slice of lime will help"

I finally get this kid to stop screaming but she is not refusing to come to class. She is sitting in the hall.

As of the last line I just typed, she is now screaming again. I am loosing my patience. I am not going to make it as  "Text Book" teacher much longer.

Sigh...I have to go now.  Keep me in prayer.

 Yeah...as hard as it is sometimes...I love my job!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

This post has nothing to do with...

...anything that I have written before.  It may, for all who care to view it that way, be seen as my soapbox rant  for the week.  OK, you know me, for the day.  Here we go:

I hate when black folk say "I don't wanna get black."

I live in Florida where for at least 9 months out of the year it is hot and sunny.  The operative word here is just that - sunny.  Any relatively educated person or even those that are just barnyard dumb, know that if you go out into the sun for any lenght of time that your skin (no matter what complexion you are) will become a bit darker.

I am a black woman with dark skin.  When I was a kid way back when it truly was not in fashion to have dark skin.  The problem for me was that most of the women that I loved and thought were most beautiful were the women in my family.  The majority of which were dark skinned.  As a kid it never occur ed to me when I was at home that my dark skin was ugly. In fact, to me it was the color of chocolate and cocoa and all lthe things that make a kid happy.  It was not until I got to school that I learned that chocolate was not the color to be.

I guess I started to wonder if my cocoa colored complexion that I thought was just fabulous was really not as fabulous as I believed.  Children in school, some barely lighter than me, would tell me that I was too black. For one kid in my class, a boy named James, whose skin was a dark as night, the times were truly tough. Kids did not even want to hold his hand as we played 'red rover, red rover" and of course he was never asked to "come over" all because the light skinned girls said that the "black would rub off on them". Just crazy. (Just as an aside...I saw James around the time that we were going college and he was a midnight delight...on the arm of the same chick that would not allow him to play Red Rover. I bet she is letting him come over all the time now!)

Anyway, I guess from all that I take offense when folk say things about people being dark or that somehow that dark skin is not beautiful.  I look at my wedding picture sitting on my desk and remember playing in the sun in Jamaica and watching my skin get what I called Jamaica black. I loved it and felt that my skin only complimented my white  wedding gown. 

So last night, this negro dislike for dark skin hit my home. My niece who is by no means a light skinned girl, is absolutely beautiful. She spent all day Sunday at the beach with her family and I did not really look at her until Monday evening.  Hubby looks at her and says "you got a lot of sun". She says:  "I know...I really don't like it.  I don't like to be black like that."

I asked her...

"Well what the hell were you when you left home?"

At this point, she was confused and asked, rather shyly what I meant.

"Were you Asian or Scandinavian with you left here?"

She said no.

"Well, then you came back here as Black as you were when you left.  If you do not want your skin to be any darker than you should not go in the sun. As a matter of fact, you should never leave the house, or even sit by a window."

She says that she did not think that she would get dark because she wore sunblock.

See how dumb that is. Just sounds foolish rolling off the tongue!

" Dear heart, that only keeps you from burning. Not from the sun changing the color of your skin."


See...if you are that worried about being dark, you should at least know the rules.

Oh well, that is the end of my rant today.  I am going to take my students to the playground today and let them play in the sun and watch their beautiful brown complexions tan as they run and laugh.

And yes, they will still be as black when I bring them back into the classroom as they were when I took them out.

(Love my job! My niece, however, may be another story!)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Really?

So this morning I am standing in the main office when a little girl walks in screaming. It was before 8:30 so I really was not prepared for the madness, but since the front office ladies where conveniently out of sight, I decided to ask her what the problem was.  This, dear friends, is yet another example of why I should just keep my mouth shut.

Me: What's the problem?

Little Girl:  I don't feel well and I have a hole in my ear.

Me: A what?

LG:  I have this hole in my ear and it hurts.  I need to call my mom.

Me: OK, let me see it.


She moves her hand and the hole that she is talking about it for her pierced ear.  See some kinda way she has lost one earring this morning and while looking in the mirror in the bathroom, has, for the first time, seen the hole in her ear. 

You gotta be kidding me!

After a 10 minute conversation about why the hole was in her ear (and actually removing my earring so that she could SEE the hole) she was able to calmly return to breakfast.  They were having blueberry pancakes.  I however, had wasted my morning and will be dining on the breakfast delicacy of Funyuns and Pepsi.  I am so angry that I think I might breathe my Funyun breath on all the kids during Guided Reading.


(I love my job)

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We have less than 10 days of school left!

I don't think I have been this happy since I heard  The Game was coming back on BET on the same day there would be a shoe sale at Macy's! I really hate to say it, but I am so ready for this batch of student to move on. That way, I can get a brand new crop of  so fresh and so clean first graders.

This group has got to go.

As a matter of fact, there are a couple (OK, truth be told a few) that if there parents would go along with it, I would mark as present for the rest of the school year and give them straight A's on their report cards.

Not, happening.

As much as I am looking forward to Summer, I am sure there are parents who are at home right now crying because they realize that, just like me, they have only about 10 days left....


Yeah...

And then Little Le'Monjello is at home with you ALL summer making your life as grand as he did mine this year.

Aw...I love summer!

(and I still love my job!)