Adults who make mistakes...VOLUME 1

My name is Ms. G.  And I have made a mistake.

I am an adult and I am fully capable of admitting when I have made a mistake. I know my limitations.

Let's get real. I know that deep inside I am a lazy procrastinating, bum. I would trade in this job in a heartbeat to live on an beach somewhere. Far away from people's children.

I am in a Master's program at the University of Florida. I have a 4.0 average which means that people think I am really smart. Really, I am just the queen of the last minute paper.  I am studying Curriculum and Instruction.  My concentration is reading.  Thus meaning by the time this program ends, I will be able to explain to parents with some degree of certainty to my parents the reason why their children cannot read. I will also be able to come up with amazing ways to assist these non-reading children.

I will be a reading goddess.

Sadly, at this moment I am nothing more than a lowly working grad student.

Another teacher who is also a grad student with me asked me today if I read the syllabus. She reminded me that class started on Monday and that our first paper was due Tuesday (SHIT). The blank stare I gave her confirmed that not only had I not read the syllabus, but had not purchased the books either (SHIIIIIIIIIT). So now $95 later I will have the books by Sunday so that I can read these two chapters and prepare this stupid paper. There is only one problem here: I DON'T WANNA.

I really just want to sit and watch mindless TV when I get home from a day here.  I want to be lazy. But sadly, that is just not a part of my world right now.

My classmate/co-worker says in her most chipper uber excited white girl voice ( because after all, she is an uber excited white girl) that she is so proud of us because if we can get through this grueling summer we will only have TWO more years until we get this degree.

TWO YEARS!!!! (SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!)

I could have punched her.

I'll do it tomorrow. Or maybe not.

 After all, I am both lazy and a procrastinator.

Don't like job or school today. UGGH!

The Secret Life of the American Teacher

I hate those movies where there is this one White teacher that comes into this urban school, makes a few changes and is regarded as a hero. I think I hate these movies because I see African American teachers do this on a daily basis.  No movies for them. Hispanic teachers who teach way out of the box and no movie for them. I often wonder if I went to an affluent surburban white school and taught, maybe showed the kids how to rap the 50 states, would I get a movie?  Maybe not. But until then I have to contend with foolishness every day.

I have a student who has an explosive temper. It is normally triggered when he is told that he cannot have/do/get/ something.  He is WAAAAAAYYYYYY belowgrade level and I have sent every message home, assignment, conference form, all of it to no avail. But this joker has been told that he will not go on a field trip.

So now mom is mad. 

Field trips are real SERIOUS around these parts.

 She calls this morning to argue about him going on the trip.  I told herthat it was a behavior issue and that since the trip was out of town,  Ifelt that it would be an issue of him going.   For one, who wants to be 70
miles from school with a kid that is hitting, kicking and screaming? Second, what if he hurts someone, himself, or some property while we areout?  Third, y'all know I hate to be embarassed.  How embarassed (as mygrandma would say) would I be in front of those "White folk" if he is acting the fool while we are at the golf course? She says that she did not think that it was "fair that her baby be left out of all the field trips". I tried to use that s*&^ they tell us to use in the workshops and tell her that I understood and if she wanted she could come to the school and we could discuss it with the AP and figure something out.  She did not want to do that. She said that we weren't going to do anything anyway. So she was calling the school board to let them know that I would not let him go on this trip. I told her that she was welcome to go along and he could go and she still said no. Started screaming about how we did not do anything for her child and said that she would not come to meet with me but was heading downtown.  I told her if she felt that was the best option that she should do it. I asked her to meet again. She hollered something I really did not understand in the phone, and I hung up.

I told all of this to the principal and VP. And low and behold an hour later she and her  friend, lover, "sister" are in the Principal's office to discuss this. Amazing how they can get here for this, but not for any other conference. Nice. I am told to bring a premission slip to the office. He will be allowed to go on the trip with the Auntie in tow. (GTFOH!)

Well, here is where I am right now.  I have told my grade level I got the money for this trip.  They need to determine how their students will go. Since one of the other teachers and this mom are such good buddies, I am asking that he is moved to his room. I am taking just my class to the IMAX theater.  I may rent a partybus the the 24 of them to ride on on the way down. And no, not the bus with the stripper pole.

 Not once have we discussed that this joker can't read or count to 20.  Oh yeah, we will do that on Monday when I have to show all my data and come up with a daily behavior plan that I need to keep up with everyday to show mom.

WTF is wrong with this picture?


I am just done.  And, no, right now I do NOT love my job! 

UPDATE: No, she never sent the money for the trip so of course he did not go. All that for nothing.

I knew my day was going to be hard when...

1. I got here and realized I had cafeteria duty
2. The little boy with really bad ADHD came to school. All I saw was him (Katt Williams' voice) runnnnnnnnnning down the hall
3. I caught him in my 4 inch heels
4. I learned he had no meds here at school
5. His mom did not answer the phone
6. He spilled my coffee
7. Listen up THIS LITTLE JOKER SPILLED MY GOTDURN COFFEE uggggggh!
8. I did not remember my debit card
9. I don't have lunch (I do however have chips and Pepsi)
10. Mom shows up with meds (yay)
11. She is mad at me for calling (WTF?)
12. We have a 20 minute conversation about why she believes her crazy son is gifted
13. I now have a headache from trying not to make the faces folk keeping telling me I make
14. The little boy who lisps is trying to tell me something
15. Meds have not kicked
16. I got hit with a pencil that was projected across the room (see #2, 3, 4, and 10)
17. There was a live lizard on my desk
18. A LIVE LIZARD!!!!
19. the lizard has moved, but I am now paranoid about every little sound
20. A LIVE LIZARD
21. ON THE DESK
22. JESUS WEPT
23. It is now resource time
24. 30 minutes no kids (praise God)
25. The lizard is still on the lam

Day 2...The assesment

Today in the reset I was to do an assessment of my life. Finances. Health. Friendships. Education. The idea was to decide what I like and dislike about my life. I keep coming back to one life event that has changed my whole view on all the other categories. Quite honestly, until I truly get past that one moment. I will never be truly happy.  Hmmm...might be something to this reset after all.


Let's get to what you really want to hear about...the kids.

Now, today has really been a pretty quite day here at old PS149.  Nothing really big to talk about.  Oddly enough, it is like God is giving me a little work-cation today. Not too much going on to complain about. I am going to take this day as a bless and wait to see what comedy the kids come up with tomorrow.


Today I really...love my job!

Hitting the Reset Button...

I am restarting this blog in conjunction with  a 31 day reset program I am starting today. When I first read about this I became instantly intrigued. If there is nothing more I need in my life right now it is a reset button.  This school year has been overwhelming. On top of all that Hubby is going into new endeavors, my teenage brother is moving in with me, my stepdaughter is moving back home, I am in grad school, I work an extra job and needless to say...

Hell, a girl is just tired.

And to top all that off my I got 5 new students in 2 weeks! What the hell? The year is almost over. But what can you do? I will try my best to get everyone to grade level in these next 10 weeks. OK I will try my best to make these last ten weeks as enjoyable as possible.  Oh yeah, and then I need to get ready for summer school.

So since it has been a long time since I have written on my blog, I am gonna just give you a taste of what has been going on here.  After lunch the students have a bathroom break and then head outside for recess. Recess is as much of a break for me as it is for them.  During the bathroom break there is a lot of noise from the boy's room.  Two boys run out laughing:

Me:      What in the world is going on?

Boy 1:   They keep wanted to play with the wet frisbee.

Me:      What wet frisbee?

Boy2:    The one in the bathroom that ***** has.

Me:      Where did he get a frisbee?

Boy1:    Out the bathroom.

(At this very moment I ask God not to let me throw up all over these people children.

Thankfully he answered my prayers! Hall-ee-loo-jah!)

Now right here I am about to gag because as you know boys rooms are gross from gittyup. An elementary school boys room is a petri dish of death.

Turns out that this "frisbee" is the urinal cake. This child has taken out of the toilet.  I am about to barf.  I make all these little germ ridden children go back and wash their hands WITH soap and give them almost a bottle of hand sanitizer.  Who the hell would think to play with anything out of the toilet?

Of course I had to ask.  But trust me,  you don't want to know the answer.

I love my (germy) job!

Little Known Fact...

I have learned from talking to parents today that the letter "u" makes many words form their past tense:

sat:  sut  " I told her to go sut down on the couch and wait."
sent: sunt  " I sunt that paper back to you last week."
ran: runt  " We runt out of paper, so she did not turn in her homework."
find: funt   "We funt out this money was do to you at the last minute."


Just some helpful hints folks! :)


(Love my Job)

Memo #2 from Ms. Green...

Dear Parent,

We are so happy to assist you with your child's education. We love to hear from you and value any time you can spare to come and talk with members of our teachers and faculty. To make this process more streamline we ask just one thing:

Please consider wearing your "outside" clothes to your conference. The pink Hello Kitty bathrobe and knee socks did look really comfy on this cold winter day, but it truly hindered our ability to have a serious conversation about your child.  In the future, we would like to suggest the many adult fashions available a reasonable prices from both Target and Wal-Mart.

Please accept my apologies for blurting out in laughter in the middle of your speech as to why you are unable  to come up here every time we call about her "doing something" and missing out on exactly "who the baby daddy is" on today's Maury. (But Hello Kitty just makes me so happy!)  We strongly felt her stabbing another student in the hand with a spork from the cafeteria was a matter of concern. This skill in shank production, however, may come in useful at another point in her life, but not here in our learning environment.

Again...sorry for the laugh.

(Love my job!)