The Perfect Child...

...does not exist.

I have three stepchildren that, because they have eaten all my food and relieved me of most of my money and valuables, I secretly consider to be my biological children. I also think that through some form of osmosis they have acquired some of my genetic makeup. I see it in the little things they do...especially the girl.

Now, I know that this site is primarily for me to talk about the kids in my class. If you have read through these entries, you should be able to pick up that I have some kids with some real problems in this room. Today you will learn that I have problems at home sometimes too.

BabyGirl is 10 years old. To be fair and so that you will better understand some things as the story goes on is about 5'8" and is currently wearing a size 10 shoe (just an aside...I am so incredibly happy about the size of her Sasquatch feet because it means that by the time she is of heel wearing age she will clearly be WAY past my current size 10...the Jimmy Choos are saved! HALL-EE-LOO- JAH!!). She is a gentle giant. Though she looks like she should be the bully, standing at least a half a foot taller than her classmates, she is usually not the one to cause a problem. But heaven help you if you make her mad!

"You wouldn't like me when I am mad!" The only thing this child doesn't do when she is mad is turn green and rip up her pants.

For your entertainment I have included a transcript from a conversation she had with her father just this past Friday:


Hubby: What happened at school that I had to get this note from the teacher?

BG: Daddy that girl just will not stop bothering me!!

Hubby: Did you tell the teacher? We have talked before about you telling the teacher.

BG: Not this time. But I did before...but Daddy I TOLD HER TO LEAVE ME ALONE!

I need to insert here that my stepdaughter's family is from the Bahamas so she has a hard Bahamian accent AND she also has a bit of a lisp. So just so you can get the true feel, pronounce Daddy more like DAAAA-DEEE.


Hubby: So what happened?

BG: Well, me and Kishaunna were sitting at the table and theN she comes all walking up and talking junk!

Hubby: Junk?

BG: Yes, Da-dee junk. Just some old foolishness.

(That's my osmosis gene coming in right there!)

Hubby: So then what?

BG: She kept talking about some old stupid stuff and them she took this book she had and she pushed it in my stomach and I told her that if she did it again I was gonna pimp slap her.


Hubby: What do you mean pimp slap?


BG: Da-dee you know! It's when you grab them by the collar and you hit them like this and like this and like this.


OK, so you can picture it, BabyGirl has just demonstrated the a textbook chapter 6 pimp slap to her father using the very skilled front and back hand technique. In an odd way I am proud that she has mastered the technique at such a young age. (just kidding folk...geesh!)

Hubby: So then what happened?


BG: She pushed the book in my stomach again and I HAD to pimp slap her because I had said I would. (Well, you do have to keep your promises.)


Hubby: Do yo really think that was a good reason to hit the girl like that?

BG: Well, Da-dee....don't you? (Yeah...that's me right there too!)


By this time they had made it to school and Hubby began his conversation with the teacher. She said that she was going to send her to the office on a referral, but after hearing the whole story and the account from her classmates, she was going to let it go with just a notification to her parents.

Well, she did warn her to stop.

The teacher also mentioned that she had caught the incident at the point of where BabyGirl performed her "pimpslap" and said that it was a perfect pimpslap. Now what kind of concerns me is that the teacher can recognize a perfect pimpslap. This can only mean that she has either pimpslap someone with perfection or that she has dated a pimpslap-er.

I tell the children to strive for perfection in all that they do. BabyGirl has taken this to a whole new level.

Just between us, I think the teacher did not give her a referral because she may have been a little scared of getting pimpslapped herself.


I hope she loves her job as much as I do.